


Once Upon A Time

by skiiish367



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Highschool AU, Hurt/Comfort, Izaya's a jerk for a while, Izuo - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Possessive Izaya, Sappy, Shizaya - Freeform, Shizuo's no better, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Violence, protective Izaya, sick shizuo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-02-03 19:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12754884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skiiish367/pseuds/skiiish367
Summary: Losing his strength was all just another part of fate. To Shizuo, it was only a question of when. What he didn't expect though was for a certain informant to take him under his wing against his will...which was commonly known as kidnapping. And that was illegal, but then again, what more can you expect from a psychotic informant with a god-complex?'Izaya is an informant. He knows everything. He knows that, and once upon a time he knew Shizu-chan.'





	1. Izaya knows...

"Izaya! When are you going to get your act together!! Have you learned nothing from these lessons?!" Izaya gazed blankly at the teacher in front of him. 

_ Annoying.  _

"Neh...Takashi-san..how about you go scurry off after those pesky little children over there," he drawled pointing at the group outside pouncing on each other like dogs in a heat, "and leave me  _ ALONE! _ "

"Izaya!!"

He rolled his eyes and looked up in annoyance. "What do you want?! I already have top grades in school. I already know all this bullshit you teach at school. Isn't that enough? What more do you want!?" he yelled. Screaming at the old fool, and ending his phrase with a snap of a jaw. It was unlike him to be angry but, he laughed none the less.

"I-izaya Orihara!" the teacher spoke, trying to compose himself again, glaring at the insolent teenager in front of him. "Office now!"

The grin fell, and Izaya snarled, rolling his eyes yet again. Yes, he loved his humans, but oh, how ever so annoying they were. Forcing a toothy smile, he gave Takashi-san one last threatening look, before strutting his way down to the office. Oh who was he kidding, office? No way in hell would he be following some stupid teacher's orders. He was heading straight home. 

He wondered why his teacher even bothered to try to up his supposed "bad" behaviour. If he didn't know any better, he'd say the old creep had a little crush on him. Only thing, he  _ did _ know better. The creep was a disgusting pedophile. Running around like some slobbering dog after the new girl with the big breasts. Anri...Anri Sonohara.

Izaya's frown deepened at the thought of the 30 year old harassing a girl half his age. _My humans can be quite disgusting can't they?_ He'd have ought to teach them better. To bring them all back down to where they truly belonged.  _ Under his feet _ .

He stuffed his hands back into his pockets and walked through the school doors, looking lostly up at the ugly sky before him. Dark. Black. And absolutely ugly. It was as though a child had scribbled all over it and then tried to erase it in a way that it smudged all the gray. And then spilled a cup of water on it.

_ Ugh _ .

Rain. His day really couldn't get any better could it? No it really couldn't. Grumbling he stepped out into the bitter cold, shivering as the rain found its way through the clothes and now clinging to his skin. 

He didn't like the rain. No he really didn't. Clothes turning to nothing but wet paper. Vision hazy. And his footing instead. Worst of all it was.... _ cold _ . Sure he didn't  _ like _ the rain, but he  _ hated _ the cold. No buts no ifs.

The way it creeped up onto his skin, forcing involuntary shivers, and the bitter feel against his bare fingers. All things taking his control away. His face no longer pasted into a smile, he wrapped his coat tighter around him, and grumbled. 

Yes, Izaya Orihara, the one and only, frowning at the sight of rain. It was strange, for a man of his likes to not like this sort of weather. He was supposed to be laughing, grinning at the destruction that a storm of such likes  _ could  _ cause. So when he came across a smiling brute, his frown only deepened. 

Dogs aren't supposed to smile in the rain.  _ Dogs _ are supposed to hate water.

But then again Shizu-chan was never normal to begin with. Shizu-chan was a  _ monster _ . And only monsters smiled during storms like these.

The blonde was sitting on the steps of one of the bleachers and grinning like a fool up at the clouds above. His eyes were closed, and it seemed the brute was  _ enjoying _ himself there. 

And something snapped inside Izaya. This wasn't right. It was supposed to be the other way around. Shizu-chan was supposed to suffer and he was supposed enjoy! NOT Shizu-chan!!

And Izaya, did the next best thing he knew that would wipe that smile off the protozoan's face. Something that made the monster's very blood boil and curl with anger. That made those soft mocha eyes turn into that of a beasts'. Looking and eyeing its prey, ready to pounce and tear apart the flesh of the poor lamb, and smiling through the entirety of it. Afterall, Shizu-chan  _ loved _ violence. And he knows that. He knows everything. He  _ knows _ Shizu-chan. 

"Hey Shizu-chan~" he cooed appearing into the frame of the blonde's vision. ' _ C'mon..c'mon Shizu-chan. Here I am. Before you...c'mon lose that control of yours. Hehe~ Not that you've ever had any. You're too much of a protozoan.' _

So he waited. 

_ One.... _

 

He roamed around in his pocket, grabbing a hold of the switch knife that lay buried inside, and fiddling with it.

 

_ Two.. _

 

His muscles stiffened, ready to bolt away the second the brute started to twitch.

 

_ Three... _

 

No twitching yet...strange. Maybe this was another tactic that Shizuo was using. Trying to catch him off guard, before peeling off that sheep's skin and showing his true face. The face of a monster.

 

_ Four... _

 

Izaya would not be fooled. He just had to wait.

 

_ Five... _

 

And finally the blonde's eyes peered open to look at Izaya's shivering, wet form. No...not shivering. He must not show this demon any weakness.

 

_ Six... _

 

He could see the blond shaking lightly, fingers curling upon themselves to form a fist. C'mon.  _ I know you can do it Shizu-chan. _

 

_ Seven... _

 

Shizu-chan's smile fell, a familiar scowl taking it's place.

 

_ Eight... _

 

The grin on his face stretched from ear to ear. This was it. This was how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to be smiling, and the beast was to be frowning. He was the saviour of his humans after all. Protecting them from the wrath of this abomination.

 

_ Nine... _

 

Any second now.

 

_...Ten _

 

And Izaya sprang to action, flicking his knife out, slashing it at the blonde before him smiling when it spilled blood, and backing away when the brute hurled the worn down bench towards him. as he swung the bench at Izaya. Except he didn't hit. Blade sliced through clean air, hitting nothing. He blinked as the bench came in view. Still planted to the ground, with the blonde seated on it's green form.

Izaya blinked dumbfounded. Where was the anger? The rage? The want to kill?

He stared at Shizuo, unsure what to say. The brute was looking up bored at his very form. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong _wrong_ WRONG! _!_ IT WAS ALL WRONG!

"Neh...Shizu-chan, aren't you a pitiful sight?" he spat, grinning like a madman.

"Go away, Flea," Shizuo drawled flailing his hand at him, as though he were an actual bug.

"Eh?" Was all Izaya could mutter as his knife dropped down to him side. Shizuo didn't... attack him?

He heard the other man sigh. "Go  _ away _ and  _ stop _ annoying me!"

So he still annoyed Shizuo, but there was no retaliation to his taunts. So he taunted him again and again...calling him 'a monster,'....hitting at his brother...and then to his parents.

That's when Shizuo broke. Izaya watched in relief as the blonde stood up, no doubt to swing a fist at him, and Izaya was ready. Fingers tightening of the handle of the blade, he let out a husky chuckle and waited. He always waited. Just a little longer and...

....and nothing. He was left standing on the rain with the light sound of footsteps walking away in the bitter water. Until he could hear it no more.

The blonde was gone, and along with him he took Izaya's smile.

It was wrong... All wrong. Shizuo didn't just walk away from Izaya. He chased him down from rooftop to rooftop, from streets to alleyways, through heaven and hell. Shizuo always chased him...so why not now?

No, it was definitely wrong. One of his chess pieces was walking of the board untouched by Izaya's hand and he could do nothing. Nothing at all.

Izaya is an informant. He knows everything. He _knows_ that.

 

_ And once upon a time he knew Shizu-chan. _


	2. The Inconvenient Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Love is the biggest scam of all.'

No one knew Shizuo. Few people think they know Shizuo. Izaya thinks he knows Shizuo. Shinra wants to know Shizuo, or well maybe not _him_ , but his body for sure. Celty _tries_ to know Shizuo, and maybe she does understand, but it’s not the same. 

It’s _ never _ the same.

Kasuka knew him best. He knew most, but not all. Shizuo had secrets. Ones he keeps under lock and key, because it’s for the best. He knows that.

So when Izaya came strutted his way through the rain  and yelling his name like some lovesick schoolgirl, he kept quiet. He had to. Izaya threw taunt after taunt, hurling them through the wind, straight into his heart. The one he seemed to always be wearing on his sleeve, naked, weak, and open for anyone to play with. 

His fingers clenched into a fist, sharp nails digging into the soft flesh on his palm. This would usually be the point where he starts yelling, and rips the bench off the ground, but he supposed the rain calmed him down. Somehow.

He liked the cold. It’s cold touch grazing his calloused hands in a way that only he seemed to understand. So, he let himself go. His emotion washing away along with the rain. And it was nice...to feel so numb, to let go of all feeling. To let the rain become his very tears as they ran down his cheek.

Shizuo couldn’t feel them. He was numb, remember? But he knew they were there, just like how Izaya was. Standing there like a pest waiting to be swatted at. But he was numb. Couldn’t feel the same anger he felt as his eyes drank in the sight of the demon’s face. The rage, no longer there. The thirst for blood, long replenished, and now it all seemed so useless. So  _ meaningless _ .

In a way, Shizuo supposed he was happy. He was finally getting what he wanted...so why? Why did he feel so _detached_? This feeling of utter dread, and sheer horror. It owned him, pushing up against him, like some invisible force trying to push him back into his little cave. His stomach locked tight, teeth clamped shut, nothing going in or out. And the clock kept ticking like the timer on a bomb. Nothing to reverse it, or stop it. He feared if he pulled the wrong wires, it’s only make this worse. But maybe it’d be easier. It could all be over within a moment's time. No time for regret or pain. He didn’t know. _He didn’t know._ _Oh God. He didn’t....he didn-_

The clamp on his teeth fell loose, and Shizuo let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. His eyes came back from his mind to the devil before him. Mocking him. The irony of it all made him want to laugh, but all that seemed to be coming out were short huffs of his breath. Kind of like the monsters in the fairytales. The ones that always huffed and puffed, before blowing the entire house down. In Shizuo’s case, the entire city.

His head fell a bit to the side, as he peered at the informant, watching the very movement of his lips, but not caring. Listening to his every word, but not hearing. The buzz in his head seemed to have taken over, and for a moment all Shizuo seemed to be able to do, was nothing. So he waited. For what, he didn’t know.

Maybe it was for the Raven to leave, or maybe just for his mind to quiet down, because it was nothing but quiet. It was screaming. Raging, and spitting fire through the darkest corners of his mind. His palms were clammy, mouth lacking the moisture it needed to scream and yell, which in all was quite odd considering the fact that it was pouring like hell.

He spared one last look to the shivering raven, before standing and walking away, without as much as a single word. His mind, trapped in his own psychosis, a living nightmare. A creation of his. One he’d made  _ just for himself. _

 

_ -o- _

 

Walking to Shinra’s did not take long. The walk was shorter than expected, and as he walked through the door separating the cold from the warmth, he wondered why he’d even decided to bask out in the rain.

At the moment it’s been nice. Now, he was regretting it. He shivered as the cold leached through his wet clothes to the hollow of his bones. Cursing quietly he shoved his shaking hands into his pocket, kicking his shoes off before walking into the apartment.

“Shinra?”

The doctor perked up from his seat on the desk, and turned around to meet Shizuo with a smile.

“Shizuo!! You’re finally here! What took you so long?! Oh god, you’re all drenched!!” Shinra exclaimed, rushing over to the bathroom. He returned with a towel, he threw it over to Shizuo to dry himself off with.

“Yeah, it’s pouring out there.”

Shinra frowned looking out the window. “Yeah, it really is.”

Shizuo knew he was thinking about Celty. She must be out in this rain too. The fool had been head over heels for Celty from the moment they’d met. 

It was strange too, he figured. Loving a being without a head. A love twisted beyond belief, but it’s love nonetheless. A feeling that made you heart swoon, and fill your belly with the warmest of butterflies or as Karisawa called it,  _ ‘Love is Love.’ _

And she was right too. Love has no boundaries. It’s love. You can’t stop that. Once you find it, it becomes a part of your very soul. It grows, and spreads like a tidal wave. It’s warm touch leaving you frozen all over. Giving you the strength to hold on, when all is lost. The faith leaving you vulnerable and feeling naked. Sometimes literally naked.

It’s scary.  _ It’s Soothing.  _ It’s lonely.  _ It’s Loved.  _ It’s weak and yet, _ so fucking Strong.  _ It’s a secret, a dream. One shrouded in your own foolish optimism and dangerous over confidence. To sum it all together, it's _stupid_.

And yet Shizuo wanted it. No, he  craved it. _Craved_ it! His want became a need and now Shizuo walked around a half empty shell. Maybe the following events that were to unfold would change that. Maybe soon to be body would be for the best. People wouldn’t be scared of him anymore. Children wouldn’t go run behind their mother’s shivering form. He wanted that so bad.  _ So fucking bad _ . Could nobody see? This empty heart hanging off the sleeve of his wet jacket. Just waiting there. Waiting for someone to give him what he always wanted. A love that consumed him and _ passion _ . Adventure. The promise that love would come to stay. There’s nothing more he could ever want, other than for it to last forever. 

When he was little, he use to think and really _believe_ that there was true love for everyone, and if you fought hard enough, true love would always prevail. Sounded so nice to him when he was younger, until he learned the bitter truth.  _ Love was the biggest scam of all. _ Shizuo learned that before long before the people of Ikebukuro, long before _Izaya_. It was an inconvenient truth. Love may be love, but everything has rules. _Everything_.

 

_...After all, you can’t love a  monster... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!! It's a little sappy, and short, but I hope you guys like it! I'll be sure to make the next chapter a lot longer. Comments are love!
> 
> If you see any mistakes, tell me! Criticism is always appreciated. Thank you! :D


	3. The Funny Side of Things

**_Shizuo laughed..._ **

 

The light voice lifting up the air around him, as his voice cracked slightly, turning from gentle chuckled into soft coughs to violent hacking. It itched at the back of his throat, choking, whooping till Shizuo was forced to lurch forward, as it forced its way back up and onto the carpet bellow. _Blood._

Shizuo supposed he should’ve been the first one to act, but strangely enough he stayed there, bent over his own arm, watching as the thick red dribbled down his tongue, staining his cold lips. He let out another pained chuckle, watching in amusement. Funny. Only days earlier, he was able to break an entire city down while laughing, now he couldn’t even breathe while managing a small chuckle. Had he truly become this weak?

He wondered if this is how his victims had felt. Men who’d been renowned world champions, the toughest of the thugs, all brung down by his fists. Had they felt this fear? This pain?

It was funny. So funny, that Shizuo let out another bark, and fell back onto the carpet, running a hand through his, and threw his head back. Shinra it seemed was trying to get him out of his daze, but he was in no daze. _He wasn’t scared..or pained._ He was happy. So _fucking_ happy.

“Hey hey..Shizuo, I know it can be upsetting, but trust me. We’ll get it back. We’ll find a way,” Shinra flailed, but Shizuo simple shook his head, still whooping like a fool in love. “Hey, Shizuo, please. Snap out of it. Shizuo. SHIZUO!! It’s going to be _okay!!_ ”

And that only made Shizuo want to laugh more. He wanted to party in joy, and shout it out from the rooftops so everyone could see this other side of him. He could finally live a little. To laugh a little. To dream. To rise, and finally feel.

Smiling sheepishly, he scratched the back of his head, and looked at the worried doctor, jumping around him, trying to find some mistake or problem to fix. It seemed that the raven was trying to console himself rather them Shizuo. Shizuo didn’t mind that. It had a nice ring to it. He could, too, now be like Shinra. He could try to convince himself, rather than convince others that he was not going to hurt them. Because Shizuo _couldn’t_ hurt himself. He was too strong for that. His nerves too numb to feel the stab of his own wounds.

It was different now.

It was funnier. Happier. Better. He could finally feel. _Feel_ . These bruises. The pain. Oh, it was marvelous. It wasn’t that Shizuo had a certain liking to pain, only that this was one of the first things the insides of his flesh had felt in a long time. The last memory so distant, that it had become nothing more than a blurry dream. But now. _Now_. It was all coming back.

His eyes welled up with tears, as he looked at Shinra with a smile so bright, he believed it could light up the entire storm outside.

“Oh my god. S-Shizuo. I-it’s going to be okay... _okay?_ Tell me you know that,” the doctor stuttered trying to keeping his own tears in. “P-please. Don’t g-give up.”

Shizuo shook his head again, his tears slipping out, just as easily as the blood from his mouth. Only blood was thicker, so it left a bitter tangy aftertaste. “No..Ha-H-ha. I-I’m not sad, Shinra. I-I’m not!”

The other only gave him a bewildered look. So Shizuo spoke again. This time, taking his time to first calm his tremors, and then grabbing one of the doctor’s shaking hands with him own trembling ones. “I’m not _sad_ . I’m.. _.I’m happy!_ Shinra, I’m happy! I am so fucking happy, _and it feels so fucking amazing._ ” The last words spoken in a hushed whisper.

Shinra paused, face turning pale, and for a moment Shizuo got worried. Was Shinra not happy for him? Did Shinra really care about dissecting his super body instead of his happiness?

Fortunately, his worries faded when the raven shook his head, and gave him a small distant smile, raising his arms awkwardly. Shizuo only grinned back, and went in for the hug that was being offered. The other’s smaller arms wrapped around his tortured body, and held him there, refusing to let go. The wetness on his shoulder made him feel less awkward. Shinra was crying just as hard as he was. Silently, but crying nonetheless.

“Did.. _did you just blow your nose on my shoulder?!_ ” Shizuo screeched, shoving the doctor away with his hands, glad when the raven’s body didn’t go flying to the wall, but only a couple inches away from his. “You’re fucking gross!”

Shinra snorted. “You brought this upon yourself.”

“Don’t blame this,” Shizuo pointed to snot slobbered on his shoulder,“ _on my shirt!!”_

“Oh please. You literally brought this upon yourself the moment you decided to give me the pleasure of a very _gentle_ , ‘Fuck you!’ You _chose_ this life.”

Shizuo laughed, Shinra joining in not to long after, both remembering their first meeting. The one where he’d flipped Shinra off, and proceeded to go back to dozing off in class. He stopped when a pang of electrifying nerves shot up his stomach, and he held up a hand. “Ok ok...now it’s _actually_ starting to hurt.”

“Because you totally weren’t just coughing up gallons of blood onto _my carpet_ , just a few moment ago,” Shinra spoke sarcastically, making sure to point out the now stained carpet.

Shizuo scoffed. “Oh please, _you brought this upon yourself._ ” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and grimaced, before proceeding using the other’s lab coat as a hand cloth.

“ _HEY!!!_ ”

 

_-o-_

 

Shinra was worried. Very worried. He gulped down a pint of guilt as he hugged the shaking blonde.

Shizuo has said he was happy, and that was what scared Shinra. Those three words, opening the door to a whole word of secrets. It meant that Shizuo was never truly happy before, and did losing his strength really mean this much to his friend?

He was scared. Scared for himself. Maybe, but more for the blonde that smiles sheepishly at him.

“I’m happy...so so happy,” he heard the other mutter into his sleeve, and it broke Shinra’s heart. Tears that weren’t supposed to belong to him broke free, and he bawled his eyes out into the blonde’s shoulder. He sniffled, and sobbed, while Shizuo remained as quiet as a mouse, not daring to ever give a small gasp for air, just silently mourning...or in this case, celebrating.

Annoyed, he wiped his nose on Shizuo’s shirt, making sure to blow it well, and smiled when the other pushed him away in disgust. He’d expected a harsh blow, but nothing so...so weak, and fragile.

“ _Did..you just blow your nose on my shirt?!_ ”

He snorted. “You brought this upon yourself.”

“Don’t blame _this_ ,” Shizuo flailed, pointing at the snot drenched shirt, “on me!”

Shinra gave a cheeky grin. “Oh please. You literally brought this upon yourself the moment you decided to give me the pleasure of a very _gentle_ , ‘Fuck you!’ You _chose_ this life.”

And they laughed, until Shizuo stopped, bending over to clutch at his stomach and holding up a hand. “Ok ok...it’s actually starting to hurt now.”

Shinra held back the urge to drag the blonde up to his lab, and fix up his all his wounds, but from he had seen so far, there were wounds that even his most specialized supplies couldn’t heal. That.. _that_ was what made him angry. Instead, he gave a mocking smirk. “Because you totally weren’t just coughing up gallons of blood onto _my carpet_ , just a few moment ago.”

“ _You brought this upon yourself!_ ” Shizuo teased, but Shinra was already too far back in his mind to listen.

Shizuo had lost his strength. The one wish that Shizuo had always wished for while blowing the candles on his birthday cake. The catch was, he’d always thought that Shizuo was joking. People would _kill_ to have such inhuman strength. Hell, he would kill to have such a gift. To think, that Shizuo saw it as a curse.

Just how a child saw the innocent things in life, not the story behind it. The beauty of the flowers on the table, but not knowing the fact that they had been cut from their roots, and forced on display.

Shizuo was like a flower. _A wild flower_ , plucked out from the ground by a child and put into a glass of water. Beautiful at first, but only now was the water turning into an ugly shade of brown, and the petals were withering, _falling_. Falling back to the ground, and perhaps that was why Shizuo was happy. Because he was finally returning back to the place he had been first plucked from, even if this time, it was in nothing more than rotting pieces.

Shizuo was happy, and he was breaking with overwhelming guilt. And Shinra finally saw it.  _The funny side of things._

He turned his gaze hack over to Shizuo, and snapped out of his daze, gaping as Shizuo wiped his bloodied hands with the his one and _only_ lab coat.

_“HEY!!”_ he shrieked...

 

**_...And Shizuo laughed._ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too proud of this chapter, it's just a filler for the next coming chapter, but I hope you guys like it anyway!
> 
> See a mistake? Tell me! Both praise and criticism is greatly appreciated!
> 
> Thank you! Until next time~


	4. Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuo gets a concussion.

Walking around in public was not as easy as it had been back then. He’d quit his job as a bodyguard for Tom, now only working part-time as a bartender.

The last of his strength had been used up kicking a man out of the bar for touching, and feeling up a girl only 3 years younger than him. The man had even gone as far as to drug her drink, and that was when Shizuo had finally snapped. He had grabbed the man by his collar, dragged him outside, and landed a good sickening punch to his temple before sending him flying.

His fingers trembled non-stop after that, sometimes convulsing to the point, where he would fumble while pouring drinks, or drop objects he normally would have been able to lift with no problem.

It wasn’t until others had started to take notice did he start walking around with his hands shrouded away in the safety of his pockets, but even pockets whisper. And soon enough, rumors, and word about ‘ _Shizuo Heiwajima dying,_ ’ were going around everywhere.

Shizuo wanted to laugh, watching a woman beside him give him a sympathetic look. _Dying?_ The great Ikebukuro beast _dying?_ In a way he supposed it was true. Shizuo Heiwajima was alive because of his strength, and so it’d only make sense if Shizuo Heiwajima ended alongside with it..

Cleaning up the tables, and locking the door behind him, he trotted his way back home. It was only a little past midnight. Late, and _unsafe._

Shizuo wasn’t sure when the last time he felt unsafe was. It was a new feeling. Something he hadn’t been introduced to when he was younger. It felt stranger. Was this why Izaya would call him a monster? Was this why he couldn’t be defined as human? Because he couldn’t understand what they felt or begin to even compare?

It was unfair. This world was cruel. The monster wasn’t him, but them. How was it to be his fault for not feeling what they’d felt. How was it his fault for not feeling the sense of danger or safety in their own home. He used to feel safe in his body...now it just felt as though it weren’t his anymore.

Shizuo would flinch at the small touch. The cool of the metal door, the warmth of his jacket. It’s rough and awfully uncomfortable texture. He could feel it _all._ And for a moment on his walk back home, he welcomed that sense of danger as it crawled up his skin, and down the depth of his spine. He could feel.

That was what made this adrenaline rush worth it.

No. Shizuo was not a masochist. That was not what this was about. This was about the _experience_ . Trying to relive the best parts of his childhood. Trying to understand what it was that his parents loved about this... _weaker.._.body.

He was only trying to understand and as much as Shinra spoke against it, Shizuo didn’t find any wrong in it. Where was the wrong in viewing the world from another person’s eyes? Nowhere.

He walked in screaming silence, the night echoing through his ears, bringing a strange comfort that Shizuo didn’t understand. He stared at his feet, dragging one step after another, feeling far more tired...and exhausted.

He wasn’t sure if he liked it, but if others did...then maybe he could too. But he didn’t _understand_. How could he? It wasn’t his fault...it wasn’t!...it..it wasn’t..right?

Was he to blame for his own misery, letting himself drown in a barrel of self-pity, and not even bothering to fight. It was a funny thing. Despite having this out-wordly strength, he didn’t use an ounce of it to kick his legs, and move his arms, not a single movement to try and survive. He could see the surface. The small line of light where sky met the ocean, and Shizuo didn’t care.

He let himself sink, drifting deeper...and deeper until the light was no longer a light but a vast of darkness that spread out giving no sign of the surface...or the bottom. He just lay there....somewhere in the middle of everything. Unsure which way went up and which way went down. He just floated, moving alongside with the tide, letting it guide him out from this hell he called life.

He supposed it wasn’t too bad. If anything, he should be grateful. Grateful of the food on his plate every morning. Grateful to those that were willing to give him a chance at work. Grateful to his brother for not abandoning him like the rest. Grateful for his friends.

Yet...yet he felt selfishly unwanted. And maybe a part of that selfishness makes him human.

He walked quietly, listening to the wind whistling through the trees around him. The streets sickenly empty. Deserted and withering away in the night, the office lights turned off, while the street lights burned bright.

He didn’t understand the point of the street lights. It wasn’t as though there were people walking around at this hour. Maybe him, but then again, who cared about him? It would be far more efficient to keep them off. Nonetheless, he felt grateful for them, looking at every dark corner.

Shizuo swallowed, his nerves beginning to tingle, the hair rising on the back of his neck. He took a breath in, holding it for a few moments, before letting it back out.

It was okay. Nothing was wrong.

Nothing wa–

“What we have here, boys?”

Shizuo didn’t stop walking, seeing an old greasy man slip out from the shadows, and onto the pavement before him. He didn’t make eye contact, didn’t bother waiting for something to happen, only kept walking, trying to get around the other.

If only things could be that easy, but of course, nothing was easy with Shizuo. The man placed a hand on his chest, pushing him back, and Shizuo stared at the ground with wide eyes at awe that someone managed to make him stumble.

It seemed that Shizuo wasn’t the only was shocked. The old gruffy looking man looked down at his hand, jaw dropped, as though he himself was surprised by Shizuo’s newfound weakness.

The man, greasy brown hair, with a crooked smile let out a sickening cackle, calling his ‘friends’ out who circled around Shizuo, as though they were hunting a predator. More like prey.

“The fuck you want?” Shizuo muttered, unwilling to let the fear show. He shoved his hands back in his pockets, trying to hide the shaking at the tip of his finger tips.

“Revenge, Heiwajima. I broke both legs. Both of them. Paralyzed for over a year, and this...this is when I finally get back at you, you fucking _monster._ ”

“I’m sorry...do I know you?”

The man twitched, fingers curling upon themselves, and Shizuo knew he was fucked. It didn’t matter...he could still try to fight his way out this. Right?

“Get ‘im boys.” The command was simple, and it was deathly fatal.

Shizuo moved aside from a coming fist, stumbling forward from a kick from behind, and he winced, feeling pain he’s never felt before. Turning, he lunged at the attackers, throwing his fists wildly in an unorganized pattern.

It was then..did he realize how weak he had become. How vulnerable he had been. His fists were like nothing, his punches mere child's play.

He bit his tongue, refusing to cry out as a bat came from behind, hitting him in the soft of his back... _and it hurt._ He gasps, welcoming the cold, humid air into his lungs, _and he feels..._

_He feels so much._

His muscles have long seized up, body struggling to recover and repair itself. The situation begins to settle in and that’s when the panic takes over. He needs to leave...he needs to get out of here, before they do worse. And he’s scared. So fuckign terrified words die down att he tip of his tongue, pleading to come out, but not having the energy to try.

The bat comes down again, and this time, he moves aside, feeling the sting run up his arm to his shoulder. Old men turn to hazy figures, and the cheers become join the buzz at the back of his head, numbing his mind for moments, and he reached out.

Shizuo struggled to get up to his feet, waving his hands about trying to find a way out of the crowd, ignoring the pain that came with every breath, and he needs to move. He feels his body get shoved to the other side, one of the men yelling something he couldn’t quite make out and...

...and it hurts.

His lungs burn with the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, and he moves. Forcing his legs to move, pushing them into a full blown sprint and for the first time in 10 years, Shizuo runs. Afraid of what lies waiting in the shadows behind him.

 

_And he feels and he feels and he feels and feels and fee–_

 

-o-

 

Shizuo runs like his life depends on him..because really...it did. He never thought he would ever be afraid of dying, and now he understand the thrill people feel when they stand on the top of a 30 storey building, or hang off with their arms off a high level bridge.

He doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t!

He takes a sharp turn into an alleyway, ready to take the smaller routes to get home. He looks back for a moment, and that’s when it comes out.

Arms stretching out from the shadows, grabbing him by his shirt and dragging him in behind what he assumed was a dumpster. “A demon!” he whispers, heart thundering, eyes closed. Fuck...he’s heard stories of demons dragging their victims in the middle of the night, and sucking their soul dry. “Don’tkillme!”

A hand clamps down on his mouth, and it’s soft. He never thought demons could have soft hands, but then again, they have to be deceptive. No one would trust a being with long nails and cracked up skin.

“I’m not a demon, you big brute,” it hisses. God...this demon was starting to sound a lot like a certain somebody. He wrinkled his nose in disgust, head dizzy and spinning.

“If you’re gonna take my soul, at least do it without using that flea’s stupid voice.” he mumbled, eyes beginning to droop. The grip on his arm tightened, and he wobbled, flailing forward into the cold arms.

“Oh god, you’re fucking heavy,” it breathed out, trying to push his body upright.

Shizuo scoffed, clicking his tongue. “If you’re gonna take my soul, you’ll have to carry the emotional baggage that comes along with it,” he scolded, waving a finger, legs feeling a lot more like jelly than bones. He giggled, almost feeling bad for the poor demon.

“Are you fucking drunk?!” it yelled, and Shizuo cringed back, the noise deafening. It pulled him forward, sniffing. “I don’t smell any alcohol.”

“Ehhh...do demons have noses?” It twitched and Shizuo waved his hand. “Kidding kidding. That mean ol’ man took a bat and swung.” He swung his arms around as though to feign the attack.

He paused for a moment, wincing when the throbbing returned. “S’hurts,” he mumbled.

The demon before him grabbed his head, using only his fingers as though it were disgusted. “But you’re not supposed to feel pain, Shizu-chan. You’re a monster.”

Shizuo pouted glaring at the demon before him. “Says you, but dun worry! Not anymore. I’m not a monster no more..m’human... _human..._ ”

No...he wasn’t a monster. Not anymore. He was weak...and fragile. More human than ever and he smiles, enlightened with the knowledge he’ll be gone a human. The world begins to spin, and Shizuo figures the demon is finally taking his soul.

The black begins to settle in, his eyes closing soft as pale slender hands reach out for him, and he falls...

**Down.**

 

**...down....**

 

_**Down.** _

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**...Fading away with the empty stars....** _

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for going on such a long hiatus, but I just had no inspiration until now. I couldn't figure out how to continue, and kept rewriting the chapter, while working on other stories. I would like to thank everyone who waited, and kept patient with my poor updating schedule. Thank you so much!
> 
> For anyone who didn't understand, Shizuo's odd behaviour in the end is the cause of a concussion...since he did get hit my a bat. It's a short chapter, but I hope you guys like it!
> 
> See a mistake? Tell me! Both criticism and suggestions for the plot are greatly appreciated.


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